


Cup o' Jojo

by MenagerieOfDarkness



Series: Spiders are Unbreakable [2]
Category: Spider-Man (Movies - Raimi), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Adult Higashikata Josuke (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable), Alternate Universe - Stands Still Exist (JoJo), Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Appropriate Use of Stands (JoJo), Canon-Typical Violence, Coffee Shops, Cute, Cute Ending, Everyone Is Gay, Fall Out Boy References, Falling In Love, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gay Higashikata Josuke (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable), Idiots in Love, Inappropriate Use of Stands (JoJo), M/M, No Smut, Sweet Higashikata Josuke (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable), Tobey Maguire is Spider-Man, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, You're Welcome, idkhow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-20
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-29 03:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30149916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MenagerieOfDarkness/pseuds/MenagerieOfDarkness
Summary: Now that their first date has come up, Tobey Maguire is so excited to get to know Jojo. Will their romantic coffee date go as planned, or will an unexpected guest spoil the fun?
Relationships: Higashikata Josuke (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable)/Tobey Maguire
Series: Spiders are Unbreakable [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2219073
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Cup o' Jojo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aardvark_french](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aardvark_french/gifts).



The inside of the local cafe was nearly full when Tobey arrived and ordered a small latte for himself. A few tables were taken by college students on their laptops, some booths full of large groups of friends out for an afternoon cup of Joe. He was lucky enough to snag a table for two pressed against the back wall, one of an ornamental wall plant dangling precariously above them. And, the other half of his party, Josuke Higashikata, would be hopefully arriving soon.

It had been a week since Tobey first met Jojo at Trader Joe’s when the pompadoured man gave him his number on the bag of dried mango he was buying for Aunt May. His aunt was at first confused as to why someone’s phone number was on her bag of healthy snacks, but she then quickly demanded that her nephew call the man post-haste and arrange a date. Well, that’s what she called it, but Tobey preferred to think about it as a “casual meeting between two acquaintances.” After all, they had just met, and he would rather not complicate things any further than the fact that they both just happened to have powers and the same taste in punk music. 

After 20 minutes of sitting with his rapidly cooling latte, Tobey was beginning to grow worried. Had he told Jojo the wrong place? The wrong time? Did he just hallucinate calling him, and now he was waiting for someone who didn’t even know that they were supposed to be meeting? But, as these thoughts started swirling around in his spidery mind, his spider-senses kicked in as a large pompadour rushed into the cafe.

“Spider-ma... I mean, Tobey! Sorry, I’m late. This guy on the way over made fun of my hair, and well, you know how I get.” Jojo laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. His face was bright red, and sweat was clinging to his baggy pants and oversized 90s jacket. Underneath his jacket, Tobey could see a Fall Out Boy shirt peaking out.

“It’s fine.” Tobey, all of a sudden, felt bad that Jojo was so bashful. He instead gestured for the man to sit down at the other side of the table.

“Wait, I should order first. Nice shirt, by the way,” he said with a wink. Tobey looked down at his IDKHow concert shirt. Because it was short-sleeved, he couldn’t wear his Spider-Man costume underneath it, but he didn’t have to web over to the cafe, and it was a Tuesday — what kind of monster would commit a crime on a Tuesday? It was a calculated risk, but it was one Tobey thought was worth taking if it meant showing off one of his iconic band tees to Jojo.

Jojo soon returned with a fruit smoothie and a paper bag of baked goods. He removed a croissant from the bag and started devouring it like a starving animal, smearing crumbs all over his face. Tobey sipped at his coffee, unsure of what to say. 

“So, um, how are you doing?” Tobey cringed as his voice cracked and wavered like a prepubescent boy.

“Not too bad!” Jojo grinned, thankfully ignoring Tobey’s nerves. “I’ve been at the arcade for the past few hours, scoring mad points on Dance Dance Revolution. And you? Solve any crime?” 

Tobey glanced around, unsure if anyone could hear them. Sure, the public didn’t know what Spider-Man’s real face looked like, but a crowded cafe wasn’t really the place to spill confidential Spidey-information.

“Just some bike thieves mainly, a few purse-snatchers. Nothing too exciting.”

“Wow,” Jojo’s eyes beamed. “Did you, you know,” he pulled his fingers into Spider-Man’s iconic web-slinging position and flicked his wrist, “web any of them?”

“Well, not to brag, but,” Tobey leaned in, lowering his voice, “I totally did.”

“That’s so cool!” The living pompadour yelped in joy, attracting the attention of some nearby patrons. He quickly covered his mouth and spoke again, words muffled by his fingers. “That’s so cool. Man, I wish I could do that.”

“You still have your power. A Stand you called it?” Tobey tried to do research on Stands in his free time, but Google only showed him the dictionary definition of ‘Stand’ and several collections of Stephen King books. Nothing that was indicative of a power that could reverse the damage.

“Oh, Crazy Diamond? Yeah, he’s pretty neat, but he’s got nothing on spider powers. I mean, can you grow fangs or more eyes? Spit acid? Lay eggs?” Tobey nearly choked on his coffee.

“Uh, no, no, and I hope not.” 

“Well still,” Jojo ate another pastry in one bite. “It sure seems fun to make as many webs as you want; swing around the city with them.”

“If you want to, I can take you swinging later.” Tobey’s face dropped as he realized what he said, cheeks burning. Jojo immediately erupted into laughter, clinging to the table for dear life.

“Maybe not on the first date, Tiger.” His words only made Tobey flush harder. So this was a date then. This was actually happening, and all he’s done was act like a fool and accidentally make a sex joke. The friendly neighbor Spider-Man suddenly wished that the cracked, tile floors of the cafe would open up and swallow him whole.

“I sure... I should get...” His eyes darted around, looking for some reason to excuse himself. “Bathroom! I mean, I should go...” He quickly bolted upwards, ready to make his great escape, his boldest feat in his years as a superhero. But, he barely took three steps before a strong, cold hand grabbed at his wrist and stopped him. Looking down, he saw it was pink with silvery fingers and was extremely muscular. The figure holding him must’ve been Crazy Diamond, the Stand materializing out of thin air.

“Sorry about that, Tobey.” Jojo quickly snapped his fingers, and the Stand released him, standing obediently by Jojo’s side. “But I figured you would just escape through the window. I mean, you aren’t just going to leave little ol’ me alone here to finish my food, right?”

“N-no, of course not.” Tobey nervously glanced around. A few people were watching them since they were both suddenly standing, but no one seemed to notice the pastel behemoth next to Jojo. 

“Is that your...”

“Stand? Yeah. I’m surprised you can see him, though. Only other people with Stands can normally see him, but maybe it’s different because you have other powers?” Tobey thought about it. He would’ve remembered seeing a large, technicolor thing like Crazy Diamond following another person around, but, in all of his years in New York City, he hadn’t come across a person with a Stand before Jojo. Maybe they were just rare, or, with most of his travels being web-borne, he just missed them.

“Well, in any case, please sit back down. I’m not mad if that’s what you’re worried about.” He gently ushered Tobey back into his chair, fingers lingering over Tobey’s shoulders for just a moment.

“No, it’s just, with the whole superhero gig, I haven’t exactly been on that many dates before.” There was maybe one guy in high school who he went to McDonald’s to, but any semblance of romance vanished once he got his spider bite and his sense of great power and even greater responsibility to keep New York safe from petty crime.

“Well, I think you’re doing great. Not that I have much to base it on either, but hey, it’s something.” Jojo grinned. Tobey was shocked; minus the pompadour, he couldn’t imagine why someone like Jojo would have trouble getting into a relationship.

“For what it’s worth. Thanks.” Tobey relaxed into his now cold coffee, and Jojo thankfully took the lead again with the conversation. They were just beginning to talk about how much they wanted to go to Warped Tour — Tobey happy that finally, he had someone to rant to about this other than Aunt May, who really knew nothing about rock despite the dozens of albums he forced her to listen to throughout the years much to her chagrin — when the hairs on the back of Tobey’s neck stood on edge.

“Get down!” He yelled, grabbing Jojo’s hand and forcing him under the table. Not even a second later, the front window to the cafe burst open, sending glass hurtling into the room. People screamed and ducked for cover as something flew through the window. Amidst the chaos, Tobey slowly peaked over the table, wondering who was literally crashing his date.

“Nyehehehehe.” A green-masked man on a hoverboard floated into the wreckage of the cafe. Tobey couldn’t believe it. It was the Green Goblin, one of Spider-Man’s most notorious enemies. But, how did he know to find him here? As far as he knew, the Green Goblin didn’t know his real name, his face, or his potential significant others. So, why here?

“Fear me, mortals! I, the Green Goblin, will destroy every coffee store in this city!” He shouted, though his voice was muffled from his mask.

“But why?” A barista asked from her cover underneath a coffee machine.

“Why, you ask? Once every cafe is gone, I will open my own coffee shop with prices so high, it’ll bankrupt everyone in the city! Nyehehehehe.” He laughed as he flew further into the restaurant, knocking over countless chairs with his hoverboard. 

Wait, no, Tobey thought. He could hardly pay his rent on time! If the price of coffee went up any higher, then how could he get his twice-daily caffeine fix? The mere thought of going a full day without a sweet cup of joe felt too horrible to bear.

“Pssst, Tobey. Do you think we can take him?” Jojo whispered to him.

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, I mean. I have powers. You have powers. There are two of us, one of him. C’mon, it’ll be easy.”

“I can’t. He, I’ve already fought him countless times. He knows my powers, my taste in music, everything like that. I can’t risk him knowing who I am.”

“Hmmm.” Jojo tapped his chin thoughtfully. His pompadour was pressed against the bottom of the table, but, due to its incredibly manliness and style, it refused to be squashed.

“Here then.” Jojo swiped his paper bag from the top of the table and quickly dumped the remaining pasties onto the floor. Then, after using his fingers to poke two eyeholes into the bag, he pushed it into Tobey’s hands.

“It’s not much, but it’ll cover your face at least.”

Tobey placed the bag over his head, adjusting it slightly so that he could see through the holes Jojo poked out. With his identity protected, Tobey nodded at Jojo, and the two dramatically rose from under the table.

“What? Who’s there?” The Green Goblin squinted from behind his mask. “Why do you have a bag on your head?”

“Green Goblin!” Peter yelled from within the bag. “I won’t let you get away with your coffee crimes!” He flung a web at the masked menace’s hoverboard, stopping it in place.

“Spider-Man! I should’ve known that you would try to foil my brilliant business brigade! You, and your…” He looked over at Jojo, who was currently smearing white and blue pastry icing across his face as a pseudo-disguise.

“I am the Donut Defender, Spider-man’s newest and coolest sidekick!” Jojo raised his sticky, stained fists, ignoring the concern on the faces of most of the bystanders.

“Uhh, right. Well, Spider-Man, it figures that your sidekick would be clearly unable to eat food properly. And that pompadour? I haven’t seen a disaster that tragic since the Hindenburg.”

“The fuck did you say about my hair?” From beneath the colorful frosting, Tobey could see that Jojo was burning bright red. “Crazy Diamond, go!” 

Suddenly, the pink and silver Stand appeared, charging toward the Green Goblin like a raging bull.

“DORARARARARA” Crazy Diamond screamed as it pummeled the Green Goblin with its fists of fury. The lime villain was helpless as Spider-man held him in place with his webs. 

Once Tobey knew that Jojo could handle his own, he turned his attention to the bystanders who were still huddling under their tables. While the customers seemed wary of the bag-headed man, Tobey’s smooth voice and excellent shirt convinced them to follow him. Soon, he was able to shepherd all of the civilians out of the cafe and rushed back in to assist Jojo, the Donut Defender.

But, when he got back into the coffee shop, he realized that maybe Jojo didn’t need his help. The Green Goblin was now on the ground, being mercilessly pummeled by Crazy Diamond. As much as the dastardly villain deserved it, Spider-Man knew that heroes shouldn’t be doing that much damage. And, with his ego bruised, nothing would stop Jojo from turning the Green Goblin into the green goo from Troll 2.

“Wait, Jo- Donut Defender!” He grabbed Jojo’s arm, causing him to lose concentration. Crazy Diamond stopped soon after, but he waited above the Green Goblin with a fist suspended in the air like the Stand was waiting for Jojo to tell him what to do.

“Stop, you’ll kill him!”

“He insulted my hair. Death is the least he deserves.” Jojo’s eyes were fiery, much like how they were when they first met when Jojo punched out a man in Trader Joe’s. Tobey wondered what would have happened if he didn’t step in. Would Jojo have killed the NPC?

“I’ve always thought your hair was really cool!” If Tobey grabbing onto Jojo distracted him, that comment completely floored him. The giant pompadour looked up at Tobey, eyebrows pinched in confusion.

“Really?”

“Yeah! I mean, it’s very fun and unique, just like you. I... really like it.” Tobey glanced at the floor, relieved that the paper bag hid his burning cheeks. Jojo kept staring at him, mouth agape like he was trying to comprehend what Tobey was telling him. He was about to respond, but the Green Goblin slowly rose from the floor. Crazy Diamond watched him stand up, hunched over from the epic beating he had taken, but, without orders from his master, the Stand couldn’t do anything about it.

“Nyeheheh...,” the villain’s laugh was cut off by a painful coughing fit. “Well, Donut Defender, my new greatest nemesis, I’ll be taking my leave. But soon, all caffeine-related real estate in New York will be mine. Mineeeee!” He lept onto his hoverboard and slowly flew off through the broken window, vanishing into the skyline.

Tobey watched as the Green Goblin got away once more before his eyes settled on Jojo. The man looked disappointed, and Tobey wondered if he shouldn’t have interfered. He wanted to apologize, but before he could, Jojo stepped in front of him, arms crossed over his chest.

“Jojo, I...” Jojo cut him off, slowly lifting the paper bag until just Tobey’s mouth was revealed. He tasted sweet like icing when he kissed him, and even though he wasn’t a fan of sugar, Tobey wanted him to never stop. 

“Best. Date. Ever!” Jojo beamed. “I mean, did you see us? Side by side, fighting crime.”

“You’re not mad that he got away?”

“What, that guy? No. It was great enough being your sidekick. I mean, every Donut Defender needs a Spider-Man.”

Tobey removed his paper bag. “And every Spider-Man needs a Donut Defender.”

Now that his vision was fully back, Tobey took in the chaos around him. Glass covered the floor, tables were split in half and thrown to the side. He couldn’t tell where the damage the Green Goblin caused started and where the equally sized damage that Crazy Diamond caused ended. 

“Oh, don’t worry about that. Time reversal, remember?” Jojo snapped his fingers, and Crazy Diamond got to work, slowly restoring everything to its former state. Soon, the cafe was back in order, every surface polished and well-kempt like it was brand new. 

“See? Good as new.”

Once again, Tobey was at a loss for words. How did he end up on a date with someone this amazing? Someone with all of these incredible abilities? Someone who actually kissed him? He was still waiting for all of this to end up being a dream, that he was still in the Trader Joe’s trying to find some dried mango.

“Well, don’t just stare at me. The day’s still young, and I feel like the cops will probably show up soon. Anywhere you want to go next, Spider-Man?” Jojo winked, putting extra emphasis on Tobey’s super-powered alter-ego.

“Let me see.” Tobey tapped his chin. He hadn’t eaten yet today, a mixture of nerves and only having ramen in his pantry stopping him. “Do you want to grab lunch anywhere?”

“Sounds great! Hey, there’s this amazing pizzeria just down the block. Best slice in the city, I swear.” Jojo grabbed Tobey’s hand, squeezing it as he led the man out of the empty cafe.

“Well then, consider it pizza time.” Tobey couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face as he and Jojo headed down the street.


End file.
